It's safe to say almost everyone has experienced a crisis at some point in their lives. These crisis' come in all different shapes and sizes and usually affect our lives in a drastic way. One second we think we have life all figured out, and the next, we are spiraling out of control, praying that God would rescue us from the hell we have found ourselves in. These crisis' leave us broken, shattered, depressed, disappointed, lonely, and gives us an emptiness inside that we think will never be full again. It is a long and painful process to over come the crisis. But in the end, there are really two choices: we could give up on live and let whatever happened destroy us from the inside out, or we could become stronger, better, more Christ-like people. To overcome involves giving everything inside, everything we've ever loved or cared for, over to God and saying, "Here Lord. Take this from me. Let your will be done with this!" In time things get better and you realize you are older because of what you went through.
There is one thing I have realized through all of this: I have grown so much closer to God. It's really incredible. It has made me think about a lot of things, and one thing in particular that I want to mention at this moment.
If going through problems or a crisis means that with each one I'll take one step closer to God, then Lord, send away. Give me problems, give me crisis', give me obstacles that I can't overcome on my own. I want to be able to depend on Christ to get me through everything. If it's the only way that I can stay close to God, then I never want to be comfortable again. I want to be put through trials, because it only strengthens my faith. I want to feel the pain, the hurt, the disappointment, because it only makes God's love all the more real. I want a life that is out of control, because I know that God is completely in control. Give me something new everyday, because I want to depend fully on you. I don't want an easy, simple, placid life. I want to live life in the turbulence, because my foundation is an immovable mountain.
On another note, for those of you who say, "I don't care what people think of me. I'll do what makes me happy," you've got a lot to learn. I realized today, that you should care what people think about you; I speak especially to people at CCU. We are supposed to be the light of the world and we are to set an example to the rest of what it's like to be like Christ. For the upperclassmen, we are to be an example to those younger than us. Every single thing we do should imitate Christ, whether it be in our actions, our speech, the things we do in public, or what we do in private. People look up to us, people respect us. We are to be the leaders and show them what it's truly like to be a follower of Christ. So think about things before you do them. Think of how it will affect those around you. If you think people are going to think badly about you for what you are going to do, then it's probably not a good idea, no matter how good an idea you think it is. I know we all make mistakes and I have made a tremendous amount myself, but we learn, and then we do better.
Set the example, my friends, set the example.
It's easy to acquire the Disease of Self. It is an epidemic that infects every single person at one point or another in their life. The Disease of Self can destroy friendships, goals, family and even the lives of those it infects. It is a terrible, terrible disease that at times, it seems to be incurable.
What does it mean to be infected with the Disease of Self? You live to fulfill your own desires. You try to meet your own wants and needs. You put other people in your life only because they make you happy. Your prayers are constantly centered around ways that you think God could bless if only "this" and "that" would happen. It's all about ME, ME, ME and "I feel", "I want", "I need", "I think".
The Disease of Self fills every part of us. It controls every action we take, ever thought that passes through our minds, everything we hear from others, and every word we say. Most people do not even know they are infected until it is too late. They have already destroyed a majority of their lives and are on the brink of complete destruction.
But there is a cure.
It is a cure that is not easily obtained. To find the cure one must go through pain, heartache, depression, sadness and anger. It is also a cure only for those who are willing to be cured.
What is the cure?
Brokenness.
In all honesty, it is the only way that I have found to be cured of the Disease of Self. For the longest time I prayed that God would come into my life and cure me of this disease that I knew was infecting me. I never expected what happened to happen, but he broke me.
Completely.
My vision was so narrow. I shorted myself on my goals. I was completely oblivious to what was going on around me. I was selfish; utterly absorbed with ME, ME, ME. But all that changed. God came into my life in an amazing way... or rather, I came back to where God is, and was the whole time.
He has really opened up my eyes. There is something so amazing, so huge going on around me and I am so glad to finally be a part of it. I don't know what my part is exactly, but I'll do it, none the less. God has blessed me beyond anything I could ever imagine for myself and I'm thankful for the opportunity to finally give myself back to him. I have to constantly remind myself, however:
It's not about me.
It's not about me.
It's not about ME.
It is about loving others more than yourself. It is about meeting the needs of others before you meet your own. It is about putting yourself second, third, fourth, fifth, tenth, fiftith... whatever it takes. It is about taking part of the bigger plan that God has for you and not being concerned with the trite and petty things that are going on in your life. God can do amazing things with your life if only you would just let him. Take part in something bigger than yourself. Take part in the plans that God has for you. Give everything to him and trust him fully that he knows exactly what is best for you.
So,
Step 1. Realize you are infected with the Disease of Self.
Step 2. Ask God for brokenness and for him to take control of your life.
Step 3. Live for others, and live for something bigger than yourself.
You need to be cured, and only God can do it.
The Sacrifice God wants is a broken spirit.
God, you will not reject a heart that is broken and sorry for sin.
-Psalm 51:17 (NCV)