Real and Untouched

I dreamed I had an interview with God.

"So you would like to interview me?" God asked.

"If you have the time," I said.

God smiled. "My time is eternity. What questions do you have in mind for me?"

"What surprises you most about humankind?"

God answered...
"That they get bored with childhood, they rush to grow up, and then long to be children again.

That they lose their health to make money... and then lose their money to restore their health.

That by thinking anxiously about the future, they forget the present, such that they live in neither the present nor the future.

That they live as if they will never die, and die as though they had never lived."

Gods hand took mine and we were silent for a while.

And then I asked...
"As a parent, what are some of life's lessons you want your children to learn?"

"To learn they cannot make anyone love them. All they can do is let themselves be loved.

To learn that it is not good to compare themselves to others.

To learn to forgive by practicing forgiveness.

To learn that it only takes a few seconds to open profound wounds in those they love, and it can take many years to heal them.

To learn that a rich person is not one who has the most, but is one who needs the least.

To learn that there are people who love them dearly, but simply have not yet learned how to express or show their feelings.

To learn that two people can look at the same thing and see it differently.

To learn that it is not enough that they forgive one another, but they must also forgive themselves."

"Thank you for your time," I said humbly.

"Is there anything else you would like your children to know?"

God smiled and said, "Just know that I am here... always."

-author unknown

Well. Here it is again. A new year is upon us. A fresh start. New beginnings.

Thank God for break, that's all I can say. He has really been working in my heart and in my life. Though I'm not entirely happy yet, I have joy. I know this is exactly where God wants me to be for now. This state I'm in is bliss at times. From here, I can't see how or why I was so far from God before. I was baptized when I was 15... I became a Christian at 22. I hope that makes sense to you.

Questions have came to me that I have never asked myself before. One that I have been thinking about a lot is, "What exactly do I want to do with my life?" Like, what are my dreams, my goals and such? I have decided to compile a list of everything that I want to accomplish in this life time; some are pretty far-fetched and highly impractical, while others are quite obtainable. Well, here it is and I have already checked off some of the things that I've accomplished already.

X Go to the Middle East
X Go to Canada
_ Visit ever state in the USA
X Go to New York
X Niagara Falls
X The Grand Canyon
X Yellow Stone National Park
X The Grand Tetons
_ The Redwood Forest
X The Devils Tower 
_ See the Northern Lights
_ See a Moose in the wild
_ See a bear in the wild
X See Bison
X Mt. Rushmore
X The Painted Desert
X The Petrified Forest
_ Craters of the Moon National Park
_ Drive across Europe
_ Go to Mongolia
_ Moscow, Russia
_ Drive in South America
_ See a Volcano Erupt
_ See a tornado
_ Be in an Earthquake
_ Camp out for a week straight
_ Go snorkeling in the Great Barrier Reef
X Go to Jerusalem
X See Petra
_ Play music with my band around Cincinnati
_ Get my photos published
_ work in a coffee shop
_ Live in another country for awhile
_ Go up in a hot air balloon
_ Ride a train across the country
_ have one person I don't even know connect with a song I write
_ Start my Online Thrift Store again
_ Clean my room
_ Do something amazing for the city of Cincinnati
_ Finish college as soon as possible
_ Visit some Aztec Ruins
_ See the Pyramids of Egypt
_ Climb a Mountain... a really big one
_ Get married
_ have sex
_ become a father

You know... there is probably soooo much more I could add to this list, but it's 3:30 in the morning, and my brain is starting to not function. I am glad to be back and refreshed from a much needed break. My life is coming back together, and I feel closer to God than I have ever felt before. It's amazing. I can't wait to see what he does in my life. Each new day is a surprise.

So, quite a few people have asked me why I took such a road trip to Halifax, Nova Scotia. There were a lot of things that directed me to the idea of taking a road trip up there. For one, I have never seen the New England states. Two, I have never been to Canada. Three, there were various issues I have been dealing with, and I just needed to run away for awhile.

All in all, I just wanted to experience something new and exciting. I don't mind driving, I can drive an entire day straight and not get tired. I wish I would have taken the time to meet some people out there though. I was just too rushed to do anything like that. I wanted to visit a local diner or something and have a lovely chat with the waitresses.

It was nice to be able to talk to God on such a level that I have not experience before. He can really speak volumes when you take the time to listen. What was nice, though, was that it was not just through prayer. It was through the wonderful scenery, the songs that played on the drive, and the thoughts that ran through my head. I felt for once, that life was grand, everything was going to be great, and that all my problems had disappeared. I saw some sweet things I haven't seen before, and took some cool pictures, and in the end, I can say that I had a great time.

But I come back to this city... and all my problems are waiting. They didn't take a trip. They didn't decide to move to another city in hopes of haunting someone else. They waited under my bed and bit my ankles as I walked by. But the God that we serve is a trustworthy and faithful God, and I have the fullest confidence that he's got something up his sleeve that will just blow me away. I have learned that I can't even predict what will happen tomorrow. He is continually surprising me, and it's amazing.

Life is good. I love living on the edge of spontaneity. I enjoy being unpredictable. It's a slight trademark of mine. Too bad people are growing up and leaving that part of themselves behind. It's a real treasure that is enjoyed only by the young. Children who break out into song and dance for no particular reason. Kids who make up fun and intriguing games on the spot. Teenagers who live life with reckless abandon; doing things on the spur of the moment and enjoying ever second of it. How I love it. There is still a full and completel life to live, and I am not going to miss

one.

single.

moment.

I'll tell you exactly what I experienced on my trip at a later time. It's not much, but it was fun. Laters.

Dang funny.

Some of my favorite Quotes:

"What does a Ninja smell like? Regret."
"If you could kill any historical figure or figures, who would you kill, how would you kill them, and why? YES."
"How do ninjas raise their children? From the dead."
"Are there any handicapped ninjas out there? Excuse me, we actually prefer to be called handi-killable."

That stuff is quality.

So begins another year. Finally people are beginning to return to campus. It's been a bit lonely without all of them around. It's nice to see familiar faces once again. After this semester, though, I think things are going to change. A lot of my friends are graduating, and I plan on being here for a few more years. People will begin to fade from my life, and there might be a slow trickle of new faces, but I don't expect much. Now is the time where the real friends are separated from mere acquaintances. I want to work really hard on building relationships with people. It's going to be rough, but I can handle it. I want some strong lasting friendships with people I can count on and vice versa. This should get interesting...

While on my travels there was one usual occurrence that got me thinking. As I'm driving, I tend to look at the sky on the horizon to see if there are any upcoming cities. There are times when the soft orange glow of the city lights comfort me, and then there are times when an dark, open, night sky is the preferred entertainment of the evening. I love driving through the cities, though. Just seeing how different each one is; all of the various inner workings and intricately designed building are sometimes a sight to behold.

The thing disappointing about the city lights on the horizon; even though they may appear to be directly in front of you, suddenly the road takes a bend to the left or right, and before you know it the glow of the city is in your rear view mirror, never to be seen again. I wonder what that city might have been like and what I might have seen.

That got me thinking about another part of my life. For the longest time, my relationship with God would be like my interaction with the city lights. I thought I'd be on the right track, making progress towards what I thought was God and what he wanted for me. But something would happen in my life and take me off course and before I knew it, I was looking at God through the rear view mirror. It was painful to look up and see that I was going in the opposite direction of the God I loved. I longed to be a part of him, to experience him... so why was I driving away?!?

It took a lot of struggles and heartbreak to realize what was going on. A lot of driving too; literally and figuratively. But it is finally an amazing feeling to realize that I'm not only on the right path, but I'm experiencing the city lights. To be in the midst of a loving God finally and completely, there are no words to describe it. I know I don't deserve this, but it is given to me anyway. Every day is a new surprise, a new beginning, a new chance to live these 24 hours completely different from the last. I pray that none of my days will be the same. Father, surprise the hell out of me. I want excitement and glory. I think tomorrow is going to be a good, good day.

I will always be at home in the city...

So today was a decent day. We had band practice for about 2 1/2 hours in preparation for our show on the 20th. I took a much needed nap post practice... that was delightful. Then, Valhalla Day 2007 started. It's an event that Jenny's friends created in celebration of the friends that have birthdays in late December and early January. Well, to start off we went and played a round of laser tag... I haven't played that in so long... much fun to be had there. I came in 13th. I stink. After that we went to the Haufbrau House. That place is quite festive on a Saturday night. Authentic German music and drunk people standing on the seats dancing and singing a long. How... German.

Well... there were two things about the night that really stood out to me. One, I bought the first Postsecret book. If you have not had a chance to check out what Postsecret is, I recommend you head over to http://www.postsecret.com sometime soon. It's where people mail in their secrets anonymously and they get posted on this web site. I can understand how relieving it is to rid yourself of deep secrets... to finally show them to the world. It really helps you deal with things and begin to move on instead of letting it eat away at you. It just hurts me... to see all this pain held in one book. So many people, so much hurting... and there's nothing I can do. Page after page of secrets: regret, love, heartbreak, lies, unfaithfulness, dreams, nightmares, hope, brokenness, emptiness, loneliness, apathy, God, godlessness... just so much... It's hard to handle all at once. I just have such a desire to reach out to every single person who has sent in a post card. I know there would be times that I just wouldn't have anything to say, but honestly, just being there, right beside them, letting them cry... that's one of the most loving things someone can do for a person. And I'm sure each one of those people need that.

The second thing that happened tonight, while I was at the Haufbrau House... a woman whom I have never met before started talking to me and telling me about her life and some struggles she was going through. I was taken aback at first, but I became heartbroken over time. I realized how important it is to just have someone to talk to about things. I use to feel highly awkward when people would come to me with their problems. I just didn't know what to do or say. Now, I desire it. I don't like talking as much as I like listening. Just because I realize how good it feels to talk and to let things go. The questions I have asked... how am I so approachable now? Why are people coming to me? Why God, am I where I am?... maybe the answer to those questions are one in the same. When I ask God why I am where I am, he doesn't answer in the way I expect him to do. Instead of telling me, he shows me. Hell, I don't know... maybe I should be a counselor or something. That would be interesting.

Well, that's been my day. Stressful. Heartbreaking. Fulfilling. Love. Yeah, all that. It's what I live for...

I told you today was going to be a good day... I can't wait until tomorrow.

"But the Lord is faithful and will give you strength and will protect you from the Evil One."
-2 Thess. 3:3

Wow... I've been checking out the concerts that will be coming through here... and might I say, I can't wait. Just take a look at these:

The Fray - Jan. 15th - Taft @ Cincinnati
Shiny Toy Guns - Jan. 29th - Headliners @ Toledo
Guster - Feb. 20th - Bogart's @ Cincinnati
Under the Influence of Giants - Feb. 2nd - 20th Century Theatre @ Cincinnati
Little Brazil - Mar. 2 - Kenyon  College @ Gambier
Freezepop, Joy Electric, The Foxglove Hunt - Mar. 24th - Autobahn Festival @ Wilmington
Lovedrug & Dear and the Headlights- Apr. 27th - Bogart's @ Cincinnati

I can't wait... I probably won't go to the first two... but I wish I could. Oh well. But all the rest are almost definite. So if you'd like to go, let me know. They will be grand shows, I'm sure. I never thought I'd dig the electric pop scene so much, but the Autobahn festival looks pretty spectacular.

Laters.

So I got an ipod finally. I've been needing one considering all the cds that I have in my car. I got it on ebay. The problem I have with ebay though, is that I'm worried about the condition of the item. I just hope it looks decent and works. It came with an FM transmitter, so I hope that works too, considering I don't have any other option of playing it in my car. It was like $100 for a 4th gen 20 GB ipod, so I don't think the deal was too bad.

Speaking of money, I need to put myself on a budget. Jason is doing like  $30 a month for food budget. I think I might do that too, only I'll make mine $60 because I like food too much. That's about $2 a day, that should save me a ton of money right there considering I eat out almost every meal. So lets see... there are 22 days left, so that leaves $44. Right. From this day forward, I have $44 to spend on food. I must restrain myself from my constant skyline and Potbelly's eating. Maybe I should curb my spending on cds and such too. We shall see. I'll work on a sweet budget tonight. Rock on.

So I'm totally working on a new design for this site. This one is bulky and not very clean looking. The next one should be pretty streamlined and pretty. So that's why I'm not updating much at the moment. Once this is done, it will be back to your regularly scheduled blogging. Until then, Adieu.

This is the new design. You like? Good. It's not entirely finished yet. But soon, it shall be.

Laters.